She had never felt more alone and confused. Her emotions running rampant as she tried to sort through her feelings and make some sense of all the craziness. Remembering that writing always made her feel better; she picked up her note pad and with a pen in her hand, she began:
Dear Diary,
I see myself through the eyes of no one when right now, all I wanna do is have an out of body experience. When family and your decisions don't mix, what do you do? Do you please your family at the extent of your own unhappiness or do you take the selfish way of sticking to your decision to move ahead with your plans while making your family unhappy. Given the type of background I have, religion and culture-wise, being the good girl and making other people happy has always been my priority. Back to my "challenge"...
If I go my own way, I will be happy eventually but I don't think I can ever be truly happy when I know I am the reason for someone's unhappiness. Yes, I have heard that I should do what I feel is right and damn the consequences. I have also tried the praying routine, pushing all my worries n burden to him, it didn't work. I don't know if its cos am not strong enough or my faith wasn't large enough or maybe I got an answer but I wasn't really listening.
Now I have a decision to make; a decision that would either mend or make my situation keep drifting. As I realize that not everything can be left to the fates anymore...
Dropping her pen and replacing her notepad in d drawer, she stands up and takes a long look at her image in the mirror. Pout lips with heavy makeup and an outfit that left little or nothing to the imagination. Stepping out into the cold night, pushing her dilemma aside for the time being. It was time to get to work...
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